He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Sext me about skeletons
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
