I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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