Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize