if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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