Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
