his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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