im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
