you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
