Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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