Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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