Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
