One girl and one boy is just not enough.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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