my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
