I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
