fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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