I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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