The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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