Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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