Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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