Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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