dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
