Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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