If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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