i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize