It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
