sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
