so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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