Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
