ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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