You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
