Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
