I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
