Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
