In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
