Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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