he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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