I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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