**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
