yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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