Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
