I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
