you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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