i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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