Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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