Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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