Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize