After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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