I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
