my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
