Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
