i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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