i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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