Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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