It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
