i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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