dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
