I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
