Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
