she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize