So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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