Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
