we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
