apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
