Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i need some magic done to my vagina
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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