3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
