After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Randomize
