Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
