I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
