Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
